Dear Future Me
Recently, I wrote a little something-something for SAYS.com, the online Malaysian platform that shares nice brunch places to go to and some other random stuff. It got published a few days ago along with a couple of other people’s letters too. You can catch and read the other letters and mine here.
I thought of sharing my original version of the ‘Dear Future Me’ letter and a new ‘Dear Young Me’ letter so that I am not reproducing content for this month’s Medium writing.
There are two reasons why I am doing this. One, I had a lot of fun writing the ‘Dear Future Me’ letter and the idea behind it was sitting in my drafts for some time. Before this, I had no idea how to convey the idea but the ‘Dear Future Me’ concept turned out to be a good medium in lifting my writer’s block.
Two, SAYS content is geared towards a specific kind of audience and I am not one of them. When my letter was published, I read it and felt nothing. Usually, when I look back at my published writings, I either feel accomplished, embarrassed or a mix of both. This time, I felt indifferent. Most of my writings are fueled by some spontaneous flame, I guess this is the one for this blog.
Or maybe I am just too defiant and rebellious. Anyways, hope you enjoy these letters and took something away after reading them!
DEAR FUTURE ME
Dear future me,
Is it true that when you grow into your 30s, things start to settle down?
Last month, I started to get to know new people and some of them grew to be really good friends with me. Surprisingly, they’re a lot older than me! Well, not by that much. They’re in their 30s and I’m in my early 20s.
It’s nice being friends with 30-year-old somethings. You would know. They bring something to the table which my usual friends don’t. I don’t know how to describe what is it they bring… Maybe it is experience. They say time starts to progress slower when you grow older. In that case, even though they’re only around 10 years older than me, it feels like they’re sharing with me more than 20 years worth of experience. You feel me?
When you’re in your 20s, you’re that hot-blooded, passionate but also confused person. You think you can take the whole world but you don’t even know where to start. You feel like you’ve learnt a lot but truthfully, you still have miles ahead to go. It sucks. That youthful uncertainty sucks because it makes you bold yet hesitant at the same time. But after talking to my new friends, I really felt understood. It’s like they know the exact confusion I’m going through and that they’ve experienced and triumphed over this same mess I’m in. So when they say ‘hang in there, you got this’ in comparison to my 20-year-old friends, it’s a lot more meaningful coming from them.
So what I wanted to ask you is since you’re much older now, are you that ‘30-year-old’ to someone else in your life? I don’t expect you to have all your stuff together because hey, you’re me. But with age comes experience and I really hope one day when you’ve (I mean, me) conquered the frustrations and dilemmas of being an unemployed fresh graduate, you could share some of that nice feeling with your juniors. I needed it, so maybe they need it too.
Also, how’s your luck with ____? I hope that improves with time too.
Yours,
Me
dear young me
dear young me,
Sucks to be you. Coming from me (which is you), you should not take that statement lightly.
What you are going through is unique to you and not the least relatable to anyone around you whom you hope to seek comfort and refuge in. You need to understand that. This grueling pain and aching discomfort, only you can feel. The crying before bed every night, you think the people at church have the slightest clue to know what it’s like? The uncertainty of the future, you think your friends care the slightest bit when they’re too busy thinking about getting drunk as fast as humanly possible? The black snaps from your streaks on Snapchat, you think people have the same idea of what it means to be in an engaging relationship?
You have to stop conforming and start the path into comforting. What is it that you really want in life? Only you (and God) know the answer to that. Are you okay with smiling at everything? Don’t you feel exhausted just wearing a big grin throughout the whole day like nothing bad is happening around the world? Are you a person who compromises? I personally, don’t like compromises because it makes me feel like a weak person. But maybe you’ll feel differently from me; not settling at times can be stressful.
My advice to you: stick out like a sore thumb. Embrace it. I mean, you’re already standing out so just go all the way. You cannot beat what is God-given to you: individuality. No one has your upbringing. No one knows what it is like to stand in front of the McDonald’s ice-cream kiosk, knowing your dad can only afford to buy the boring sundae cone instead of the deluxe Oreo McFlurry 15 years ago. No one knows what you say in your prayers. No one in the world knows how much you love not talking. No one can appreciate you more than yourself. Before you care for the world which I know you will because it is preordained (did I jinx it), you need to step back and look if you are malnourished in the first place. The fact that you are seeking assurance from others on little things that do not matter a lot, is a troubling sign.
I want you to know: the way people treat others is reflective of how much they know about themselves in the first place. If you want to love people the right way, you got to start with yourself. It is the other way around too. Some people treat you and others with shallow respect and in such a dull way. If anything, that is reflective of how much they have explored what it is to be them and living in their flesh than it is actually about you. It’s not you, it’s them. Walk away.
I want you to know: I love you. I think you’re beautiful. Coming from me (which is you), you need to not take that statement lightly. Please hang on.
Do not internalize. Cry more. Write more. Read plenty. Pray for your enemies as much as you would for your family. Invest in Gamestop stock. I love you more than the girl you are currently head over heels for, I hope you will understand what that actually means in the near future.
Remember to water the soil before you plant the seed.
yours,
me
